Even when you know something or you’ve known something for a while, it’s so easy to deny the truth of it until the people who are closest to you say the words you’ve been resisting to say yourself.

It really sucks that I hate being alone so much that I just need someone else around me all the damn time. I always feel like such a burden to whoever I latch on to. I just wish someone else has this need too so we could be each others’ “someone.”

I find myself at a loss for words lately. I feel this way & that but the words to describe any of it or express any of this frustration I have is just escaping me. My fingers will tap away at keys but I end up hitting delete & closing the textbox because it never sufficed. Even this isn’t quite doing it but I just.. I can’t change it.

What’s wrong with me?

Timing, above everything, has proved to be my biggest enemy.

It sucks for the world to tell you to not lower your expectations for anything but at the same time refuse to ever let your expectations become reality.

We had few memories together, but I can honestly say they were all amazing. I enjoyed the time we had, but it wasn’t right for us to continue as we were. Not now. So I told him the truth. Sadly, it’s led to us deciding to part ways. He doesn’t know how much that gesture he did at the end means to me & it kills me that I don’t get to tell him. I just hope that one day I get to.

It’s times like this where I really wish you & I could talk. You always understood exactly where I was coming from like you were in my head with me. I could say shit that didn’t even make sense to me & you’d put it into real words & help me through it like it was natural.

No one else seems to get me. Even if they know where I’m coming from, the things they say & the advice they give doesn’t help. You always gave me the advice that I could actually follow because it’s what I personally should and actually would do.

Now if I ever open up to anyone, it feels like a waste. They’ll never get me. They can’t help. So I can’t talk to anyone about this bullshit going on in my head here & it kills me because, as you know better than anyone, me alone with my thoughts is pure destruction.

But what can I do? I can’t call you. I can’t call anyone else. I can’t settle this bullshit myself.

I miss you. Shit, I fucking need you. I need my bestfriend.