miahLauren

Show me, don't tell me.

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 22:30:47 -0700

I always fall for people who are lacking many, if not most, of the “ideal qualities” I look for in a significant other. Honestly, I really love that.

I feel like it proves that people can strip away my shallow desires & make me appreciative of what else there is in a person. Whether it be a sense of humor I don’t come across too often or a way of thinking I never really considered, I love meeting people with a trait that is their own & that they can work like no other.

Maybe that’s what I truly consider an “ideal quality” in someone: The ability to show me what’s really important, what’s truly attractive, & most importantly, what I actually want.

Would it?

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 22:30:00 -0700

Would my face draw in your eyes if it were hidden behind cosmetics?
Would my smile entice your lips if another hue was painted on?
Would my eyes shine to you if the pigment was from plastic lenses?
Would my skin call to yours if it was sun-stained?
Would my body appeal to your fingers if I was pounds less?

Would any number of changes make you want me any more? Would alterations of my natural state lead me to be more desirable? Would all of this and maybe more make me worth a second look? Would it require me to look like another person to ever be considered “beautiful”?

Would it?

A little reassurance from time to time would be nice. Or is that too much to ask for?

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 09:12:16 -0700

A little reassurance from time to time would be nice. Or is that too much to ask for?

Moderation

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 23:59:00 -0700

I realize today how little I’ve written as of late. I also don’t draw anymore. Nor do I read. Hell, I don’t do most of the things I love anymore. Once again I’ve put all my time & effort into one thing. Something I do care deeply about, yes, but something I shouldn’t lose myself in. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret having this ‘thing’ in my life, but it is time for a little change.

It’s funny to think I can feel so utterly lost without having that one thing around. Especially since my absence doesn’t provoke anything on the other end. As always, I gave more of myself to something than it will give to me in return. Not out of lack of effort, simply out of the fact that one shouldn’t give too much of themselves away to anything.

This is something I’ve written a thousand ways but it never seems to be enough. I guess I just haven’t fully learned from my experiences yet. Ironically it boils down to one word which I’ve never been good with; moderation.

For me, it’s always all or nothing. From the way I drive to the way I eat; “go hard or go home” is the motto. I can never just enjoy small bits or pieces & giving something only a fraction of my effort is entirely unheard of. You’d think it’d be exhausting.

To be honest, the only exhausting thing is facing the impacts of losing all the things I put the effort into. That’s where I get tired of it. But as it doesn’t come till the end, I keep to my ways hoping there won’t be a brick wall around the next corner every time I take a chance. Maybe, though, after another failure or two, I’ll finally get hit hard enough to learn my damn lesson. Hopefully, though, I can just learn to change right now.

There really is no time like the present. I’ve just got to slow down, stop running & start walking. Acting now is the best move since who knows, maybe that next impact would’ve been me heading right off a cliff.

I must learn to drift.

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 23:30:34 -0700

I must learn to drift.

Just finished Initial D: Fourth Stage. I’ve watched so many episodes of the series over the...

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 19:44:00 -0700

Just finished Initial D: Fourth Stage. I’ve watched so many episodes of the series over the last couple months.

Onto the Fifth Stage!!!!

#tbt because tomorrow marks the 1 year since my High School...

Thu, 06 Jun 2013 16:16:53 -0700

#tbt because tomorrow marks the 1 year since my High School graduation! #gohs #classof2012

"One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to..."

Mon, 03 Jun 2013 10:22:09 -0700

“One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.”

- Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via jesusfuckmechrist)

lilytrang: Don’t feel foolish for caring too much,loving too much,or being there for someonewho may...

Mon, 27 May 2013 08:11:00 -0700

lilytrang:

Don’t feel foolish for caring too much,
loving too much,
or being there for someone
who may not do the same,
for you are defying the odds
and that is when you shut down
and to stop caring, loving
or being there for anyone just for the sake
of having it returned to you.

The whole point of loving people
is to endlessly give
without wanting anything in return
because it’s selfless.

Loving people should be selfless
and it will be tiring,
but everything turns out to be okay
and fall apart
and becomes okay again,
and it’ll just be a cycle that repeats.

So don’t feel foolish.
Don’t feel stupid.
You’re not.
You’re daring
and bold
and that’s the beauty
of loving people
to me.

I hate how much of myself I give to people.

Sun, 26 May 2013 23:19:07 -0700

The people I put any sort of emotional investment into are honestly my everything. I’m willing to drop or do anything for them without ever expecting anything in return. They could be toying with me & using me but if I actually care for them, a part of me lies to myself & I’ll keep doing what I do.

It’s just who I am. I have this need to just give pieces of myself away for even the possibility of reciprocation. My happiness & wellbeing are so often such an afterthought that I never even notice how much of myself I lost until they’re long gone & one night it hits me that I’m empty & broken.

All the while, though, a part of me does consciously know what I’m doing. & even though I’m constantly praying for effort to be reciprocated, whether they do or not, I know I’ll still continue to give my all until they walk away.

Most of these people never realize either. They don’t quite realize everything I do for them or at least not how much of myself I put into doing those things. I know they usually don’t mean to. To be honest it’s probably my own fault. I could probably still do these things & show my affection without turning it into an offering of myself.

That is my nature, I guess. One day, hopefully, I’ll meet someone who gives me as much of them as I give them me. Once that happens, the pains I’ve gone through thus far won’t matter anymore I think. Just gotta hold onto enough of myself until then.

When you’re the one who “likes more” in a relationship, it’s tough. A part...

Sun, 26 May 2013 22:32:00 -0700

When you’re the one who “likes more” in a relationship, it’s tough. A part of you wants to be upset because you feel like they don’t care or that their feelings for you aren’t as strong. You wonder if they are even happy with you or if you’re good enough. Any insecurities you have are always in the forefront of your mind. Sometimes you think that you’re too clingy for them. You want to back off & suppress your urges to show them affection but at the same time you’re scared that if you do, they’ll walk away.

Quite frankly you feel like anything you do will make them walk away.

Maybe you should give up. Maybe the relationship isn’t benefitting you. Maybe nothing will come out of it that’ll make you happy. Maybe all the effort you’re putting in really isn’t being reciprocated.

But maybe that’s wrong. Maybe you two are fine. Maybe they’re just not as good as showing their feelings. Maybe you mean more to them than you think. Maybe they’re actually the one who “likes more.”

Or maybe not.

It’s a constant battle between the two thought trains & it sucks not knowing which is true. Maybe one is right or maybe there’s some truth in both. Either way, it’s hard.

You have two options & both are a risk, but you have to make that choice for yourself.

You can run away & possibly be losing something amazing, or run in head first & just be prepared in case there’s a brick wall on the other side.

I’ve found that my hardheadedness has worked both in and against my favor in the past. I just hope there isn’t a brick wall this time around.

Even when you know something or you’ve known something for a while, it’s so easy to deny...

Sat, 18 May 2013 02:40:45 -0700

Even when you know something or you’ve known something for a while, it’s so easy to deny the truth of it until the people who are closest to you say the words you’ve been resisting to say yourself.

#kbbq with #ASUCI! For FREEEE!! Teehee. <3 (at Gen Korean BBQ...

Thu, 16 May 2013 21:40:29 -0700

#kbbq with #ASUCI! For FREEEE!! Teehee. <3 (at Gen Korean BBQ & Yakitori Bar)

It really sucks that I hate being alone so much that I just need someone else around me all the damn...

Thu, 16 May 2013 01:05:35 -0700

It really sucks that I hate being alone so much that I just need someone else around me all the damn time. I always feel like such a burden to whoever I latch on to. I just wish someone else has this need too so we could be each others’ “someone.”

I find myself at a loss for words lately. I feel this way & that but the words to describe any...

Wed, 15 May 2013 23:21:25 -0700

I find myself at a loss for words lately. I feel this way & that but the words to describe any of it or express any of this frustration I have is just escaping me. My fingers will tap away at keys but I end up hitting delete & closing the textbox because it never sufficed. Even this isn’t quite doing it but I just.. I can’t change it.

What’s wrong with me?

It sucks for the world to tell you to not lower your expectations for anything but at the same time...

Mon, 13 May 2013 08:46:04 -0700

It sucks for the world to tell you to not lower your expectations for anything but at the same time refuse to ever let your expectations become reality.

Home & poolside! Teehee

Sun, 12 May 2013 11:04:16 -0700

Home & poolside! Teehee

We had few memories together, but I can honestly say they were all amazing. I enjoyed the time we...

Wed, 08 May 2013 10:38:15 -0700

We had few memories together, but I can honestly say they were all amazing. I enjoyed the time we had, but it wasn’t right for us to continue as we were. Not now. So I told him the truth. Sadly, it’s led to us deciding to part ways. He doesn’t know how much that gesture he did at the end means to me & it kills me that I don’t get to tell him. I just hope that one day I get to.

At the top of this hill, the suburban lights seem like a sea of...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 21:08:49 -0700

At the top of this hill, the suburban lights seem like a sea of stars I get to oversee. For once I’m not looking up at something that’s out of my reach. Now, I get to feel like I have the upper hand.

And yet.. even from up here I don’t feel like things are as they should be. It’s like I shot for the stars I aimed for & now I’m floating in some limbo where I can neither fall back into the sea I know nor grasp the stars that a young me once wished on. But a part of me is okay with it.

Once I descend like inevitably have to, though, I know I won’t want to be back. It’s kind of funny that I live in the beautiful sea that’s now below me & yet from there, I can’t see any of the promise that I do from here. Perspective I guess.

I want someone who cares about me even when I don’t care about myself.

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:34:48 -0700

I want someone who cares about me even when I don’t care about myself.